After the call that evening, I dropped my phone on
the bed, I began to contemplate on whether to send
the card or not. I think back to the past and I
remembered that she had bad records when it come
to lies. Kemi had lied so many times to me just to
get recharge cards. I could remembered vividly the
day she called me at 10pm that she needed N400mtn
card to call her families and inform them that her
mother was critically ill and needed medical attention
urgently, I was shocked and began to shiver that
night, “oooh, God please save my future mother inlaw
for me ooo, I don’t want to loose her at the moment”
I was running helter skater to get the recharge card
that night. I had to rush down to the ATM to make a
VTU transfer when I couldn’t see a vendor. After
transferring the card to her, she didn’t call me and I
didn’t have any airtime on my phone to call her. I had
to use a neighbour’s phone to call her. I intentionally
adjust my voice when I called her.
ME: hello kemi,
KEMI: who is this? *****is he the one calling?******
“another lady was asking her at the background”
ME: ***angried and amazed*** its me kunle
KEMI: ***replied the other lady, “No, its not him, its
another person”**** kunle from where please?
ME: from lagos.
KEMI: can’t recollect such identity. How did you get
my number please? *****the background lady: cut
him off jaree and let’s call another person****
Hello, pls call me tomorrow morning. I’m busy at the
ME: ok ****hanged up****.
From the little drama. I knew it already that I was
played. But I was blinded with love to express my
All the memories of her past lies was flashing back
in my brain. Then I thought of it again, “what if her
next visitation is actually true?”. I began to imagine
the pictures of her gorgeous look and endowed
packages I had been seeing on her facebook profile, I
began to imagine myself squeezing and
experimenting her killer “ukwu”. Immediately, I
became totally confused on whether to send the card
or not?. After few minutes of contemplating, then I
remembered I have a friend who once delivered me
from a scammer. Then I decided to chat with “sege”
on whatsapp concerning kemi’s matter.
ME: ogbeni how far?
SEGE: oko bimpe, I dey oooooo.
ME: you know well, who be oko bimpe?
SEGE: eeeh, sorry, Mr maga I mean jaree
ME: you no well ni
ME: errrhhhm, you still remember this girl, kemi?
SEGE: who is kemi?
ME: that my babe wey I tell you say she dey stay for
SEGE: I no remember ooo.
ME: the one I met before bimpe na.
SEGE: oooooooooooooh, that your recharge card
SEGE: wetin do her?
ME: she just called me say she dey come akure next
SEGE: that one nice na. Na kitten weekend be that
for you na.
ME: you no well
SEGE: are you guys still dating?
ME: we never broke up before, we only stopped
communicating with each other
SeGE: and wetin be that one?, no be break-up be
ME: that one aside jaree. She said I should send her
SEGE: hmmmmm. I trust you say you don send am
ME: no oooo, I am contemplating on whether to send
SEGE: that babe na cheap airtime scammer. But
since she talk say she dey come akure, risk this last
one and send like 200mtn sha. Atleast to pour water
on ground and then walk on wet ground.
ME: thanks jaree my guy.
SEGE: I hear. But don’t send another airtime again
until you set your eyes on her oooooo.
ME: I hear.
The following morning on my way to work, I stopped
at a vendor and got a N200 airtime for kemi. As
usual, she only called to thank me in 12 seconds and
later hanged up. 3days gone and I didn’t hear from
kemi again until the 4th night which was thursday
night when she called me again.
ME: hello dear, how are you?
KEMI: I’m fine dear, thanks for the other day
ME: you are welcome dear
KEMI: I also want to remind you that I would be
around next weekend oooo. And you will talk me out
and buy gifts for me ooo.
ME: no problem dear.
KEMI: thanks love. I’m missing you seriously
ME: same here
KEMI: that’s my baby. Errrrrrhmm honey, can you
please help me with a little airtime please?, even if it
is just N200 please.
Recharge card again?, what do I do this time?, segun
must not hear this, and I don’t want her to change
her mind about coming over to see me, but seriously,
I was tired of this airtime demands of a thing but at
the same time, I wanted to fucck kemi.
I decided to risk it again and transfer N100 airtime to
her from my phone. One thing about kemi was that,
whenever she gets an airtime below what she
requested for, she would never call back to
appreciate but if she gets the exact amount she
requested for, she would call back and spend
maximum of 30seconds on a call. After the transfer,
she didn’t call back as usual and I ignored her.
On saturday, I went to visit segun and we had a chat
about kemi. I told segun that kemi would be around
on the following week and my guy came up with a
master plan as usual.
ME: sege, that my babe go arrive next weekend
SEGE: bimpe or kemi?
ME: which one be bimpe again jor?, its kemi
SEGE: oooooh, the airtime merchandise?
ME: na you sabi.
SEGE: but is she staying over at your place?, or just
stopping by to visit?
ME: we never discuss that one yet
SEGE: all the same, you must sample that girl at this
only opportunity oooo. Or else, u might not see
another opportunity again.
ME: I go try sha.
SEGE: you must do ni. You know hungry girls like
kemi requires special tactics to get them laid.
ME: really?, gist me.
SEGE: firstly, you must act or fake it that you have
money to spend on her when she is around, you must
be good at fake promises and your mouth must be
loaded with lies, na that thing dey give them hope
say “hmmm, I must maga this guy, e be like say e
ME: hmmmm sege!!!!, and after that nko? ****getting
SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so
as not to miss the fuccking. Make sure that u post
all the spending till after sex, and not before.
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning
to have sex, you might not get it, just keep making
mouth till you get what you want.
ME: I hear you ooooo.
SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act
drama for her.
ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo
SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey
scam girls, girls no dey dupe me. Loooool.
I returned home that night. Segun and I began our
rehearsals on whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival. Ever
since I was growing up, I had always have this
mentality that “the more you spend for her, the more
she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and
made me realize that most times, “the more you
spend blindly, the more you are a maga”.
Between monday and Wednesday of the following
week, kemi called me more than 5 times but I didn’t
pick up, I intentionally refused to pick up because I
knew she would always demand for airtime. On
thursday morning, I called her myself.
ME: hello kemi
KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused
picking my calls for the past four days?
ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday
night and I misplaced it since then. I tried calling the
number from another phone to trace it but it wasn’t
ringing out, it was this morning that I found it inside
the kitchen cupboard.
KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking
you were with another girl, maybe that’s why you
refused to pick up.
ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my
love” I know say na “send me airtime” go end
am********, baby when are you coming?.
KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is
tomorrow and saturday.
ME: are you staying over at my place?
ME: why laughing?
KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family,
we would be staying over at the place provided for
us. since I’m not alone, I won’t be able to stay over
at your place.
ME: huuuuuh, how do I take you out for shopping
KEMI: eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for
ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you
said your phone is giving you issues.
KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why
don’t we do it like this?
KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me
where I would be staying, I might not be chanced to
spend time outside, sebi I told you I would be with
ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear,
let’s postpone all the shopping and gifts to another
day that you would have time. I can’t just be roaming
about supermarkets alone on my own without you by
my side, I would only come and say Hi to you
wherever you are. That’s all
KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for
ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha.
KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what!
KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know
how to squeeze out time to go out with you.
ME: that’s my baby
KEMI: are you happy now?
ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure?
KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by
ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you
KEMI: same here dear
ME: pls let me know when you are around
KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you
do me a favour please!!
ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have
been doing you is Airtime, “omo-ale”
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