By the time I resumed year three, Richard
was extremely skinny, and frequently spent
time in and out of the clinic. He had
frequent hemodialysis in the hospital now. He
had chronic kidney disease and was awaiting
surgery for a transplant. I’d never been so
close to such a thing in my life, I didn’t
even know what to say to him or how to help
him. All I felt for him was fear and pity.
But Richard was a great guy. He was full of
life and so lively that I felt ashamed for being
depressed over a failing relationship. Jack and
I eventually patched things up and for a while
didn’t get into quarrels or arguments.
I was happy for a moment, but things were
no longer as pure as they once were. For
me, i had been too depressed, it was hard to
believe everything was cool.
For him, some of his friends had begun filling
his ears with lots of gist about me, and the
guys in the bq. They didn’t matter for a
while until he began to repeat some of their
advice to me.
Technically, we didn’t have sex because I
couldn’t go all the way with him. We would
handle, smooch and even give and receive
blow jobs but that was where it ended. It
wasn’t like I didn’t trust him fully, I just
wasn’t ready to go all the way and no amount
of his cajoling could make me. I know what
girls like my roomie say about guys and how
they wouldn’t stick around if you didn’t go
all the way with them. I wanted Jack to stay
with me but I just wasn’t ready yet.
Some of his friends advised him to get
another girl and he would often repeat this
when I was stalling his attempts to have sex
with me. I really don’t know if he ever
cheated on me, but i know what happened on
We had planned to revamp our relationship. I
was supposed to spend the weekend over at
his place. I finally planned to go all the way
with him and for days leading up to Val’s we
talked of nothing else.
But on the D-day, he was nowhere to be
found. I couldn’t reach him on phone because
his phone was switched off. After hours of
not getting through to him on phone, I
decided to take the bull by the horn and go
to his place, invited or not, after all we had
planned to see.
I didn’t know what to expect at his place but
I went anyways hoping he had some
reasonable explanation for the silence. I hoped
in my heart I could make things better
between us this weekend. I wanted to go all
the way with him on this special day because
I always thought our not having sex was the
cause of our issues. Kristen thought so too so
I believed it must be so, the only thing was,
nobody was home when I got to his place.
I sat outside and waited for hours but Jack
never returned home. I went back home
dejected and disappointed but the next day
when he called with a truck load of apologies
and promises, I felt happy again. He said
his phone fell into water that morning and he
had to go to the phone repair shop to have it
fixed. He forgot his smaller phone at home so
had no means of reaching me.
I didn’t ask pertinent questions like, why
didn’t he call me to tell me of the
misfortune? Why ignore my calls that morning
on his smaller phone and eventually switch it
off? Why didn’t he call as soon as he got
home. Those questions were at the tip of my
tongue to ask but I swallowed them. I was
glad we were good again, nothing else seemed
to matter beside that.
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